Vote Gene!
I know the 2008 American presidential elections may seem a long way off, but we here at the Simmons Lodge believe in planning ahead. This is why we propose our own candidate, someone who knows the value of rock n' roll, someone who will battle against the powers of evil, someone so ridiculous that the enemy won't stand a hope... There is only one man capable of such a task, that's right, our great and glorious leader, the Rock Warrior God himself, the one, the only... GENE SIMMONS!!
'So why should I vote for Gene?' I hear a few of you of lesser faith murmur. Well you've got some fucking cheek, mister! How dare you question the election great Rock Warrior Glam-Panto-Dame God himself, the Simmons?! Who are you to question the will of the masses and extraordinary leadership skills of the great man, you pathetic, miserable, snivveling, nasty, slimy, conniving little... Er, yes, by which of course I mean, here is a list of Gene's policies which will show you exactly why you should vote for him...
Gene's Policies
1. Rock n' Roll will be compulsory for all! People will only be allowed to listen to the music of Gene Simmons and KISS, and this music will be played at high volume in all public places.
3. Free make-up for all.
2. All people shall obey Gene.
3. All children will be allocated rockin' electric guitars in school and will only be taught the music and history of KISS. All other subjects are irrelevant.
4. All people shall serve Gene.
5. AT LEAST one picture of Gene shall be hung in all houses and other buildings.
6. All people shall worship Gene.
7. Defacing a picture of Gene or blaspheming against him, is punishable by death.
8. The Whitehouse shall be replaced with a 1000 ft high solid gold statue of Gene Simmons in which he can live during his reign over all earth. The monument (a fitting tribute to our glorious leader) will be fitted with all of the most modern amenities known to man, including a helicopter landing pad tongue.
9. Gene is God.
As a further tribute to the great and rockin' world leader, a new currency will be unveiled upon his election, the KISS Dollar. This is top secret, however as good friends of Gene, we have an exculsive sneak preview! Esspecially for you, the loyal fans, Gene has given to us... The first EVER KISS Dollar! Behold...
Other Election Facts
Gene is a keen animal lover and pledges, if elected, he will shape all creatures of the Earth in His image.
(Above) Pandas which have been given 'the Simmons Touch'
(Below) A dog which has suffered a similar fate
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